"Teach yourself to like the pain. become a self-taught masochist"

edit: update...waoo can you believe it?? nr. 09

         enivei, kui olen jälle juurde suutnud kirjutada notebooki, siis teen ka siia update'i...yeah, who cares..

                                           Paper Hearts

01.

I think I knew from the beginning...

that this would turn out to be a tragic love story.

....our own beautiful tragedy.

The moment I first looked into those eyes of stormy grey I knew you were something so special.

Yet my chest tightened painfully and I felt like I was going to suffocate any moment.

       

                                        I never told you that...

Everything about us was so very unusual.

Our first meeting was at the beginning of my life and the end of yours.

Though I almost made it the end of mine as well.

                  ...and sometimes I secretly wish it would have been so.

02.

'Why?' you asked.

I expected as much, though not the bold act of walking up right next to me.

'Because I have no reason' is my answer. Or maybe just because the sea is so beautiful and pulling me forward. 'Kiss me' it says and I can almost feel it's velvety cold softness against my skin.

'Then what about if I became your reason...would that be enough?'

Your question got lost in the wind and the murmurs of the sea, but I heard it ringing in my ears.

...and I still do..

'If I became your reason' I whispered.

You didn't need to hear the answer, you understood I was yours already.

'-would that be enough?'

                                                  no. It was never enough.

                                                       because you never were mine...

05.

We would lay on a field of golden grains in the night and watch stars sparkle. You would point out all the stars with their long, complex names and how they dance together in the dark. I disagreed and said that they are all alone and would never reach the other. 

You stayed quiet 

and you knew it was true.

Then you told me how you had a dream about me. In it I was a star, brighter than no other but I became a shooting star and fell down the sky until I faded and only my heart was left behind. It was like crystal, my heart...

but when you had it in your hands it shattered like glass into hundreds of tiny pieces. you smiled and gathered the fragments in a tiny bottle. 'Broken things are beautiful.' and the dream was over.

                                         And mine were just beginning.

                                            only they were nightmares...

09.

On rainy days we would stay in your room and draw unmatching hearts on each others arms. 

and yours would always be full of cracks.

When I'd ask why, you'd say that it was broken and you'd give me a wornout smile.

I would try to mend your heart by drawing stitches and saying 'It's gonna be okay' like a chant but you would just sigh and kiss me.

 I thought it was because of me but I never found the courage to ask.

    When I found out the truth it felt so ironic in a bittersweet way...  

ookey...

what the hell was I thinking writing this stuff??

enivei, see on veel lõpetamata. because my brain works slowly.

Lamb- Gabriel

          - Stronger

Sia- Breathe Me

Dido- Don't Believe In Love

Damn good songs..

tahaks täiega hessburgsi......=D